Never Again
by HG-HR551
Summary: How do you move on when your best friend dies? How do you deal with the guilt knowing it was your fault? Tim and Tony friendship. Character Death. Rated T for future chapters. Slightly McAbby. WIP Hopefully better story than summary.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey, this is my first Fanfic story, NCIS or otherwise, so let me know what you think! Updates may be sporadic due to my schedule, but I promise when they are written they will be posted. **

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OF NCIS! So don't sue me, I am a poor university student anyway, it wouldn't be worth it.**

The Director of NCIS sighed as he set down his pen and reclined back in the chair in his office. He was the last person left in the building. Even the keenest and most ambitious Agents and analysts' had gone home to enjoy their weekend, which was not surprising, it had been a long week.

_Too long_, the Director thought.

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply to try to relieve some of his tension. But luck was not on his side.

When he opened his eyes, he was still stressed, still feeling the effects from his week. And what a terrible week it had been. He knew, of course, when he accepted this job that there would be weeks that he would not enjoy, weeks that would be bad, maybe even hell. And in his eight years as Director, there had been many of those weeks. But he never thought there would ever be a week that was this bad. Four major cases, only one solved, one analyst resignation, 2 field agent injuries and...he sighed again as he thought about it...one agent death. Of course, he had lost agents before, both as a Special Agent and as Director, but he could have never guessed that he would lose this agent. Never his Senior Field Agent, it just didn't seem possible, the man could survive anything.

The Director quickly swivelled his chair around and looked out the back windows in his office. He gazed upon the Navy Yard to try and push the images from his mind. As he peered out, he noticed that it was peaceful in the Yard, finally. Most of the cars were gone from the parking lot and there were no Navy or NCIS personnel wandering the grounds. As he looked out across the Yard, his eyes slowly drifted lower, and finally they landed on his cabinets along the wall, on top of which stood a group of framed photos.

Him and his wife, smiling happily, standing together on a beach in Mexico, another showing him and the Secretary of the Navy standing together as he was sworn in as Director of NCIS.

And finally, him and his best friend, both with smiles on their faces and beers in their hands, reclined back in chairs on the deck of the cottage that they had purchased together. That had been the first of many trips, sixteen years ago. Both of them younger, more energized versions of themselves now. Everything had been so simple then, take orders, do the work, catch the bad guys.

But how things had changed.

As the Director stared at the picture he began to slowly crumble. Looking into the face of his best friend and knowing that he would never see those carefree eyes again. He would never his voice loudly busting the chops of a junior agent, never really being mad at them, just letting them now that he was disappointed and he knew they could be better, that they should be better. Not for him, but for themselves.

And finally what the Director would miss the most. They would never again square off in his office, intensely arguing the best ways to pursue a case. Or even as two friends, arguing about who was the best shortstop of all-time.

_Never again_, it hit the Director like a ton of bricks. That was how serious this was. He had of course known this, but because he was the Director and his job was never finished, he never had time to stop and think about it. Now that he had a minute, he realized the gravity of the situation. His Senior Field Agent, his _best friend_ was..not..coming...back. And there was nothing he, or anybody else could do to change that.

_Nothing_, the phrase kept repeating over in his mind, _nothing, nothing, nothing..._

No matter what he did, the guilt would not leave, he assigned the case to the team, knowing, that his best friend, his best Agent would do as he always did, solve it. And solve it he did, unfortunately, the solution came at the cost of his life. The guilt nagged at the Director, it gnawed away at his insides, and he knew that it would never leave, if it wasn't for him, his friend would be alive.

As he stared into the eyes of his best friends in the photo, one thought rang out through his head louder than the others, and he whispered it sadly:

"I'm sorry Tony, I'm so, so sorry."

And with that, Timothy McGee, Director of NCIS, held his head in his hands and for the first and final time, wept for his friend.

**GIVE ME REVIEWS!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N And we are back with the second installment of Never Again! This chapter is basically the lead up to Tony's funeral. I hope you enjoy. OH! Also, I wanted to thank everybody who reviewed for doing so, I really appreciated it. You can express your thanks about my thanking you by reviewing yet again. :) **

**Disclaimer: As I said in the first Chapter, I OWN NOTHING! So don't sue, I don't own anything good anyway.**

Tim McGee awoke the next morning when he felt his wife shift on the other side on the bed, a second later, the shifting stopped and he felt his wife rest her head on his shoulder while placing her arm across his stomach.

"G'morning Timmy" Abby said as she lazily rubbed his abdomen and snuggled more comfortably into his shoulder.

"Morning"

"You sleep okay? Anymore nightmares?" Abby asked gently. It had only 5 days since Tony's death, but it felt much longer. She knew he had been struggling since Tony's death and she also knew that things were only going to get worse before they got better. Abby knew that because today was the day of the memorial service for Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, and her husband, Director of NCIS and Agent DiNozzo's best friend, Timothy McGee, was giving the eulogy.

"I slept fine, none tonight" McGee lied as he peered down at his wife. He knew that she probably knew that he was lying, but he also knew that she would understand that he would talk about what happened when he was ready.

Abby sighed as she saw right through his lie, the bags under his eyes told her that he was lying before he even opened his mouth. However today was not the day to push him, it would be hard enough as it was and Tim would need her by his side, for support. Abby knew that when he was ready to talk, he would, and Abby would be there and ready to listen. And because she knew that she had no reason to push him.

"Well, we should get up and get ready. It is already 8:00, the service for Tony starts at 10:30 and we are meeting Ziva and Gibbs early for coffee." Abby spoke as she began to get up from their bed and venture into the bathroom.

Tim sighed and got up from the bed, he was so tired, but that was not going to stop him from getting up and doing what needed to be done. Tony had saved his life on multiple occasions and Tim knew he owed Tony more than he could ever repay, even if he was alive. So now that Tony was dead, the least he could do was to be ready to give Tony the eulogy he deserved.

Tim left his and Abby's bedroom and headed down the stairs into the kitchen of their home to make the coffee and begin to prepare breakfast. It was a nice house he and Abby owned, not huge, but it had more than enough room for the two of them. It was an older town home, located in a nice part of town. It was not the usual house for a Director of a major crime agency, but then again, Timothy McGee wasn't a usual Director. Abby and him had bought this house ten years ago, two years before he had become Director of NCIS. They had purchased it right around the time of Gibbs' retirement and Tony's subsequent promotion to head of the Major Crimes Response Team. They had loved the house so much, and the commute had been so reasonable that they saw no desire to move to another house when, much to the shock of everyone but Tony and Abby, he had been made Director of NCIS.

Tim looked down at the frying pan and bacon that he was cooking and then back out the window looking out onto the street in front of his house. It was a beautiful day. _Funny_, _it always seems to be really nice on days of NCIS memorial services_, Tim thought somewhat bitterly.

He shook that thought from his head and went back to cooking the bacon in his frying pan. He knew that he would only be half finished cooking by the time that Abby came downstairs from her shower. He also knew that she would take over while he went upstairs and showered, it was their routine. They did it everyday, unless of course the case load of NCIS was so heavy that neither he nor Abby could get away from their jobs at NCIS and had to work overnight, which was not unusual.

While he was lost in his thoughts, thinking about their routines and his life, he felt two hands slip around his waist from behind and hug him tightly.

"The shower is all yours, I will finish up here." Abby said as she spoke into his back.

Tim smiled, _right on time_, he thought as he turned and kissed Abby on the cheek and observed her outfit. Her style had changed in recent years, of course, but Abby being Abby, she still wore black and skirts, but with her age she had decided to lose the neck collars and shorten the skirts a bit. But today, Abby had chosen a simple black dress and had done her hair up high on her head. _Just like for Kate's funeral_, Tim thought a little sadly. Abby's voice brought him out of his internal thoughts.

"You better hurry Timmy, Jared will be here with the car in half an hour and we don't want to be late.

And with that Tim nodded and headed upstairs to get ready, while Abby turned to the stove to continue cooking their breakfast.

Fifteen minutes later Tim had returned downstairs wearing his new black suit. Normally, he didn't bother to buy a new suit for every funeral he attended, but this one was different and Tim felt it appropriate to break his standard protocol.

Ten minutes after his return from upstairs he and Abby had finished breakfast and exactly five minutes after that, the doorbell rang, signaling that Jared was at the door and ready to drive them to meet Gibbs and Ziva.

"Morning Jared," Abby said brightly as he opened the door for him and let him inside, "how are you?"

"Oh, I am fine Mrs. McGee" Jared said professionally as he took a step into the doorway of their home.

"Are we ready to go?" He asked, ever the dutiful agent.

As Abby was just about to respond in the negative, letting him know that Tim would only be a few minutes, she was interrupted before she could get it out.

"Yes we are, Agent Myers" Tim McGee said as he came out of the kitchen to stand beside Abby.

"Very well, Director, we should be there in no more than ten minutes." Jared responded as he made his way out to the black SUV parked in front of the McGee residence.

As Jared predicted, eight minutes later, they pulled to a stop in front of a small coffee shop just a block away from the church where the memorial service of Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo was scheduled to take place.

When they made their way out of the SUV, they spotted Ziva and Gibbs standing beside the door, chatting lightly. As soon as Abby spotted them she ran over to give each an "Abby" hug.

"Gibbs! I missed you!" She said happily as she attempted to squeeze the life out of him.

"Abby, I saw you four days ago." Gibbs reminded her lightly and with a slight smirk as he returned the hug.

"Well, it felt longer." Abby said as she moved on from Gibbs to Ziva.

Gibbs was released just in time to greet McGee in the form of a handshake.

"How are you doing Tim?" Gibbs asked in his usual way of being concerned whilst not actually showing it.

"I'm fine, boss." Tim told him, knowing that Gibbs wouldn't believe it for a second.

"Yeah, right, sure you are. And I told you, McGee, I am not your boss, haven't been for almost ten years."

"Yeah, I know. I just can't seem to kick the habit. Sorry, boss." McGee responded, no matter how hard he tried he would never be able to call Gibbs anything else. In his eyes, Gibbs would always be his boss, and that suited Tim just fine.

"And for God's sake McGee don't apologize, how many times have I told you, it's a…"

"Sign of weakness." McGee said simultaneously with Gibbs.

"I know, sorry boss"

Gibbs just shook his head fondly, _at least something's would never change_, he thought with an inner chuckle.

After the pleasantries were completed, the group ventured into the coffee shop for a few minutes to talk before they had to go to the church for the start of the service. They chatted lightly for the most part, Gibbs listening to Abby, as she talked non-stop about her new favourite hobby, knitting, of all things. While Ziva, now in Tony's vacated position, briefed McGee about the advancements of their newest case, the murder of a former Navy Petty Officer First Class.

However before the group realized it, it was time to head toward the church for the service. Tim looked up at the big building with a growing sense of dread; this was going to be difficult. As Timothy McGee crossed the threshold of the church, gripping Abby's hand tightly, he knew he was most likely about to do the most difficult thing he was ever going to do in his life. He was going to have to say goodbye and bury his best friend.

**Reviews please! Next chapter will be Tim's eulogy. Hopefully I will have it finished before the end of the week. Thanks for reading. **

**And I forgot to mention this at the beginning, I am not American, I am Canadian. Therefore all of my writing will be using Canadian spelling, not American. Just so you know. **


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